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Which will limit me, for sure, but I’ll find other ways to make this work so I can still direct-inject the flavour you all crave into those hungry little brains of yours. That’s my job, right? To regurgitate cannabis knowledge unto my audience, not unlike a mother bird who spews a half-digested rodent like a fountain onto the awaiting faces of her hungry hatchlings. You, my viscera-covered young, will learn just as your ancestors did: with the ever-present threat of being kicked out of the nest and falling to your premature death always lingering deep in the back of your mind.
That’s how we should run provincial education, honestly: build schools on stilts, and allow the teachers to just go ahead and kick the kids right out the windows when they’re being dicks. I’m not saying this would fix the laundry list of issues our society will face over the coming years, but it would certainly be a good start. Once we’ve figured out the stilts, we’ll start work on an all-regurgitated meal plan. With both initiatives in place, how will future generations fail to soar? They won’t, is what I’m telling you. The fear of falling will ensure that they exist in a perpetual state of anxiety, which is awesome for getting things done. Trust me, I’ve been a teacher.
What was this post supposed to be about, again?
1. Can They Guarantee Your Delivery Time?
Right! Weed delivery. Riiiiiigghhtt, right, right.
The reason same day weed delivery has grown so much in popularity is simple: you can order your product and receive it the very same day! When you order weed through the mail, you could be waiting weeks to smoke whatever you picked up. By the time it gets there, you might have forgotten which strains you decided to buy. With same day delivery, though, it’s right there.
As same day delivery becomes more commonplace, the services who really stand above the rest will start to offer 1 hour weed delivery. Who knows, in time we might even see the Pizza Pizza of weed delivery services emerge, and your order will be free unless it’s at your door in 40 minutes. Personally, I would call it ‘Weedza Weedza’. I’m willing to workshop that name, though, I’m not attached to it.
Basically, as we go forward, the services that guarantee a reasonable delivery window will be the ones to look out for. Not the ones that guarantee delivery within a span of 3+ hours, I’m not trying to book service for my washer/dryer. Lots of companies claim to be ‘the uber eats of cannabis,’ but I don’t have to book off an entire afternoon to order food.
2. Do They Notify You Before Your Delivery?
This one isn’t hard. I feel like most delivery services do this already, but as the field continues to grow and develop, this is something all of them should have. I’ll be the first to admit that I occasionally lose track of the time, especially when I’m awaiting a delivery. I don’t want to be surprised by a call from my driver, who’s already ticked because I wasn’t waiting outside when he got there. What if I lose a round of Smash because of the distraction? Let’s face it, I wouldn’t lose otherwise (come at me).
Most services I’ve used have offered some sort of early notification system, even if it’s just a text from dispatch letting me know that my driver’s nearby. That way I can at least get ready, put on pants and such before they’re right outside the door.
Discerning readers may note that this is the second time I’ve brought up the need to put on pants before I go outside, regardless of the time of day. To them, I say that only fools wear pants when they don’t have to. If you’re wearing pants around the house, you’re wrong. That’s that. Even if you’re entertaining guests, having no pants on is a great way to establish dominance right off the bat.
3. Do They Have A Decent Return Policy?
This is a big one. A few of the services I’ve dealt with personally haven’t had a return policy, which is kind of a big deal in the cannabis industry. If you order product, whether it’s flower, edibles, vape cartridges, or whatever you use to get high, there’s a chance it’s gonna show up in a state that you don’t like. It might not smell or look the way it did on the company’s website, or it might be dry as hell for no good reason.
Any good delivery service will accept returns of unopened product. That’s a given. The best of them, however, also offer returns on opened or partially used product. The best of the best offer same day returns on product, even if that means they have to operate outside their regular delivery hours. The best of the best are aware that customer satisfaction is of the utmost importance in this industry, and if they have to take a hit on partially used product to ensure their customers are satisfied, they will.
This is a novelty, as someone who’s been smoking weed for years. I can honestly say that before legalization, I would’ve been crazy to ask my dealer for a ‘return’ when he sold me some skunk weed. We just sucked it up and smoked it, what else could we do? In 2021, all you have to do is ask to swap and most drivers will probably let you. Some might take a day to make the swap, but the fact that as a customer that option even exists is still awesome to me.
4. Do They Run Good Promotions?
As a weed delivery service in 2021, you really have to set yourself apart. There are a lot of new companies out there, and almost all of them are constantly running promotions to attract new customers. I plan to write more about this in the future, but most promotions I see from delivery services tend to be boring. I see a lot of free gummies and edibles, maybe some free pre-rolls or a percentage off of your first order, enough that those promotions are starting to feel like the bare minimum those companies can offer.
Why not run something exciting? Arrange a scavenger hunt in your area, add some sort of game or lottery system to your online store. Some companies use scaling discounts based on previous purchase history, which rewards more loyal customers. There are a lot of creative things going on in the industry, but they’re not being talked about! There’s even a service running lottery-style draws and giving away up to 10lbs. of weed every week.
You can’t tell me that’s not cooler than a bag of free gummies!
4 Factors Is Probably Enough
I hope they’ll provide a good start, anyway.
As the industry continues to evolve, same day delivery will have to change as well. The future might bring innovation in the form of services being able to accept new payment methods, providing driver tracking to customers, and offering promotions that’ll knock yer got-damned socks off. Anything less, and they’ll be left behind.
If there are any other major factors you consider when you’re ordering from a new service, let me know in the comments! These are the factors I consider most important when I’m looking, but I’m sure that other people go by different metrics. Share your tricks if you’ve got ‘em!